Monthly Archives: March 2016

(One elderly lady to another in the ladies’ room at the Chichester Festival Theatre: “Of course designers don’t want instructions spoiling their, erm, designs, but I’m just thinking: ‘Where’s the handle?’”) Which got me thinking… I remember the loo. It … Continue reading →

Desert Island Discs How I long to be left for a while With eight favourite discs in a pile. (No cooking! No chores! No telephone bores!) On a warm, uninhabited isle

http://www.wadars.co.uk I can think of several reasons for encouraging you to buy ‘Paw Prints in the Butter’. You might enjoy it? Right. It’s a perfect birthday gift for your elderly aunt who adores cats? Right. It puts money in my … Continue reading →

Propositioned, a trendy Madame Said non to a randy gendarme. ‘It just isn’t chic, Having sex with a flic,’ She explained with a trace of alarm.

Michael Flanders encountered a gnu Not, as you’d expect, in a zoo. Rustington by the sea (where he happened to be) Can seemingly boast of one, too.

There’s a bar in the town of Auxerre That’s run by Barthélémy frères, Where they’ll ply you with whisky Until you feel frisky, Then sell you their sister, pas chère!